Tuesday, March 24, 2020

A Recipe for Disaster?


 Medical Alert:  An abrupt change from your Dave Ramsey and university credit union recommended Beans and Rice diet to a Congressional-Pork and Beans Diet may be fatal as your financial health will be compromised.  Meanwhile churches and nonprofits will continue distributing meals.  Since it is Lent, expect more fish than usual.  While walking through the grocery store for exercise because you cannot afford to purchase anything until your next pay check, Social Security check, or Medicaid check arrives, notice that the items still ON the shelves are nutritionist recommended foods such as fresh fruits and vegetables, dairy products including yogurt, cereals that won’t give home-bound kids a sugar high such as Cream of Wheat and Cheerios, and whole grains such as corn meal.

 Many people ask my 102 year old aunt how she has lived so long.  Her answer:  “I don’t do everything doctors tell me to do.”  There are former athletes at two major universities in Michigan who wish they would have heard and followed her advice.

I do not believe the incredible story going around talk radio that the reason the coronavirus spread so quickly in Italy is that Italians were encouraged to hug their Chinese coworkers in order to prove that they are not racist.  Italians are NOT huggers, at least not the Sicilians that I grew up with.  An index finger thump to your chest while someone was making a point during a perpetual argument maybe, but never a hug.

I know what a recipe for disaster looks like because I sat through one of those boring university credit union seminars that are supposed to tell you how to get out and stay out of debt.  Talk about bait and switch.  Meetings like this end with an offer to see if you qualify for a 0% consolidation loan that will change to a variable rate loan in less time than it will take you to say “Pass me the ketchup.”  These delicacies come with a side order of interest that accumulates if the loan is not paid in full.

I know why Donald Trump was elected President.  HE reads the small print or has several lawyers read it for him.  He read the fine print in the election rules just as we have to read the fine print in the bankruptcy rules.  The laws have changed and most Americans can no longer afford to file for bankruptcy or afford to hire a bankruptcy lawyer.  The money from the federal government has not even trickled down to me, and I’ve already lost my taste for spending it.  I wonder if it will come in an envelope stamped “Trick or Treat” by Halloween.

A recipe for disaster comes, like prescription medications, with possible side effects.  If you consume the Congressional-Pork and Beans Diet you might experience a bad taste in your mouth, a tight feeling in your chest, shortness of breath, chills, and muscle tightness in your fists and jaw areas.  These side effects should disappear within ten years, as soon as the Stock Market rebounds, or in November if your political party wins.

Bon appetite.

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