Saturday, April 4, 2020

True Confessions: More Sick Satire including a Practically Perfect Parody of a Saturday Night Live Presidential Skit from a Perplexing Perspective.

“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  I wrote another sick satire after promising that I wouldn’t.”
“How long have you been telling lies, my child?”
“Since my senior year in high school when a classmate and I inherited a gossip column, ‘Eye Witness.’  If students didn’t rat on each other and put juicy tidbits into our drop box, we made stuff up.”
“Fake news?  You wrote fake news?  I am not sure that is pardonable.”
“Oh, please, Father.  I haven’t told a lie since.  In fact priests always throw me out of the confessional and tell me I am scrupulous.”
“Oh, dear.  That is bad.”
“I know.  But what is even worse is that I thought it was a compliment until I looked it up in the dictionary.  For my Penance, do I have to stop writing sick Saturday satires?”
“Of course not.  They are the only thing keeping me going until Sunday morning now that Saturday Night isn’t live.”
“Then what is my Penance?”
“For the rest of your life, my dear, stop trying to be perfect.  If you pay attention, someday you might be President of the United States like Jefferson, Lincoln, or Trump.”
“Wow!  That would make me the first vision impaired President of the United States of America!”
“Sorry, my dear, but you would not be the first person to be President who has been vision impaired.  You would be the first to be sight impaired.”
“I think Gavin Newsom, the Governor of California who has severe dyslexia, will beat me to it.”

A Practically Perfect Parody of a SNL Presidential Skit from a Perplexing Perspective

The President of the United States called for a press conference in order to make an announcement to the American people.  As he gets near the podium, the shouting begins.
Journalist 1:  Now what, Tweety Bird?”
Journalist 2:  Where’s your mask?  Your puss is going to break the cameras.”
Journalist 3:  “Speaking of masks.  Why are they all white, you racist?”

The President steps up to the podium.
President:  “My fellow Americans, you’re fired.”  Turning to Mike Pence, he adds, “They are all yours now.”
Mike Pence dropping to his knees and throwing his arms around the President’s legs:  “Oh, no, not that!”
Hilary Clinton:  “That’s deplorable.”
Nancy Pelosi:  “One down and one to go and I’ll be President.”
Dr. Fauci turning to whisper in Nancy Pelosi’s ear:  “Your test came back positive.”
Nancy Pelosi:  “I’m pregnant?  But I’ve already had five.”
Head of Planned Parenthood:  “We can take care of that, dear.”
Planned Parenthood Assistant:  “Do you know how old she is?”
Dr. Fauci to Nancy Pelosi:  “You are not pregnant.  You are too old to be pregnant.  You have the virus.  Doesn’t anyone in Washington know what a fact is?”
Debby De Vos:  “Wasn’t ‘fact’ taken out of the textbooks along with ‘God’ when the definition for ‘marriage’ was changed?”
Andrew Cuomo, Governor of New York, to the Governor ofCalifornia:  “Who is this Pence guy?”
Gavin Newsom, Governor of California:  “Some guy from Indiana.”
Andrew Cuomo:  “Where is that?”
Gavin Newsom:  “Didn’t they teach you anything in school?  It is below Chicago and above New Orleans.”
Debby De Vos:  “Did Governor Cuomo spend his early years in a public school?”

President Trump unwraps Pense from his legs and returns to the podium.
“After consulting with my Vice President, I have changed my mind.  I am the only Man big enough for this job.  I will not let you down, even though you have let me down, you ungrateful mere millions.  Instead of firing all of you, I am just grounding you until the pandemic is over.”
Melania:  “I thought it was too good to be true.  Another nine months in this drafty old place.”
President trump:  Nine months plus four more years, My dear.”
Melania:  Sobs uncontrollably along with the Press.

                                                  The end   

If you are all fired up and eager to be a part of the political scene as a participant instead of an arm chair critic, I recommend that you start reding online biographies of everyone who is expressing an opinion, looking for your vote, or making a decision on your behalf.  Wiki is a good place to start.  Then you can move on to biographies on BARD and Learning Ally, and from your favorite bookseller.  Since I read some of Donald Trump’s books before he became President when I wanted to learn more about how to make business decisions, I decided to give the ladies and the Democrats equal time.  Women and U.S. Politics, Know your Power by Nancy Pelosi, and A Fighting Chance by Elizabeth Warren taught me that the lack of experience, the lack of an education beyond a BA in Political science, or the lack of a law degree need not keep a person a mere political observer.

 Warning to Parents who are Socially Distancing their Children:  Shoving children into a corner and telling them that they are meant to be seen and not heard might turn them into future court jesters, comedy writers, and educators.

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